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Dear Webby
An Intimate Holiday

Dear Webby,

I was a single mother of a ten year old daughter until last spring when I married a wonderful man. He was never married. The problem is he comes from a large family.

He (and they) are very excited about including us in all the holiday hoopla coming up. I personally have enjoyed the last ten years in quiet private time with my daughter. Thanksgiving this year was like a zoo with so many people and activities (though my daughter and husband loved it).

It has not entered their minds that I wanted a small Thanksgiving dinner and private Christmas with just the three of us. Am I being selfish?

Wants a private holiday

Dear Private Holiday,

It is often said when you marry someone you marry the whole family. Congratulations - you have just bought yourself a family.

You are not saying the family is cruel or excluding you. You are not saying they have been intruding in your life. You are not saying your daughter is unhappy. In fact, quite the opposite.

Webby thinks you should count your blessings and those of your daughter. Did you ever think she was missing something in not having relatives? Try to be happy about it for her and your husband's sake.

You may be surprised that you too might get caught up in the excitement of this wonderful season, and a loving caring family. Many people would gladly change places with you.

This is not to say there should not be some private time for the three of you to start your own customs. For example, if the family gets together for Christmas Eve, make Christmas Day for the three of you. If Christmas Day is the big family day make Christmas Eve your special time.

Most children are loaded with energy and excitement during the holidays. I hope you will join in with your daughter and husbands enthusiasm. You want them to look forward to the time you three spend together and not feel deprived and resentful.

Webby's wish is that this is only the beginning of many very happy and holy seasons for you and your family including your extended family. Remember you have the rest of the long winter for private time.

Now if only Webby can practice what she preaches and enjoy the hubbub of December and the quiet of January and not long for the private time in December and boredom of January.

Happy Holidays,

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