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Husband left her and son

Q. My husband, the father of my son, left me a few weeks ago to "see what he has been missing."

We got married very young. For the first time in my life I feel hate. I hate him. I hate his parents for making him what he is. I hate his friends, most of which were my friends too, but now I want nothing to do with any of them.

I love my son, but I am scared that I will transfer this to him as well. Is it normal to feel such rage and will it go away - hopefully soon?

People tell me I have to get on with my life and I just want to scream at them.

A. Yes, it is normal to feel rageful feelings at times in the situation you describe, for a period of time.

If it continues into months, gets in the way of your daily activities such as parenting or work, or if you are verbally or physically losing control with your anger, you would benefit from meeting with a licensed therapist and/or a support group for people going through separation.

It is very important that you have adults you can talk to and express your feelings with away from your son. You have experienced some very major losses in terms of your marriage, your in-laws and friends and your sense of security, so it is not a simple thing to get on with your life.

As for your son, keep your phone conversations private (out of earshot of your son) and do not confront your husband or put him down in front of your son. It is very important to assure him that you are both his parents and he will continue to have time with both of you.

It's fine to acknowledge your sadness and anger with your son, because you and his dad are not together, but also reassure him that you have support to help you and that you will feel better.

It is important to see your son as the individual he is, and for him to not feel responsible for the separation or your emotions.

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Anne Cook Finnegan
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