Lumpy Girl Claire's Diet
On a Clear Day

I was having dinner with a friend at a local restaurant (grilled chicken, baked sweet potato with nothing on it and a salad - yes it can be done!) when a man we didn't know approached our table. He smiled at me and started, "Has anyone ever told you…"

Now in my mind I'm finishing the sentence "...just how lovely you are?" Not that strange men (or any men, for that matter) approach me and say that - ever - but I'm always hopeful.

I returned his smile expectantly and waited for him to continue. He blurted, "…that you look like a young Barbra Streisand?"

Oy!

I don't think he realized that I wouldn't consider that a compliment. Sure Barbra is multi-talented, but it's not like I was belting out "Evergreen." I'm positive he was referring to my seemingly oversized nose and close-set eyes. (No offense to Barbra, the look works for her.)

My friend tried to console me by saying that at least he compared me to a "young" Barbra Streisand. Gee thanks! She also pointed out that I was wearing my hair kind of like Babs did in On a Clear Day You Can See Forever. Ack! Time for a new 'do.

In my mind I'm thinking, what if the man didn't mean I looked like Daisy Gamble? He could have been thinking Yentl! This on the heels of that kid in the checkout line only last weekend who called me "Sir."

I wanted my diet to change how I looked, but I didn't want to look like a man or like Funny Girl!

This is not helping my diet despair. I've totally lost my will to diet. I'm eating my veggies and exercising, but my heart just isn't in it. I'm just going through the motions. And where are my results?

No one is saying "Hey! You are looking good girl!" Nope, just as I am getting smaller, my nose is getting bigger by comparison. I guess that's more distracting than cleavage (which also seems to be diminishing).

I step on the scales and that little needle keeps going in the wrong direction. Ok, so I cheat occasionally, but that shouldn't make me GAIN weight. I can understand if it stops me from losing, but why should I be gaining? I'm being good the majority of the time.

I can't go the rest of my life eating salads and sugar-free/fat-free desserts. If a girl can't eat a little cavitelli now and then, what's the point? Worse yet, if I'm starting to look like a man, then I really have no motivation.

All the diet literature warns of setbacks and plateaus, but I've never read anything that warns of attaining manly features-unless you are bodybuilding, which I am so not doing. The only weights I lift are the extra poundage that is already under my skin.

So I went to get weighed this week in a somber mood. I knew it wouldn't be much if anything and I was right. 0.2 pounds. Barely one stick of butter! I didn't stay for the meeting. Nothing was going to cheer me today. After all, I have another week of salads to look forward to!

Then as I was descending the stairs back to my office I had another one of my light bulb moments. This week I ate cavitelli with meat sauce (and had seconds). I ate breaded chicken and coleslaw. I ate hotdogs. But I still lost a little. Sure it would take a year to lose 10 pounds this way, but I could do it.

Part of my diet depression has been that once I lose the weight, I won't be able to eat anything good - ever - if I want to keep the weight off. It will be all salads, all the time. But this week I ate some diet food, and also ate some really good regular people food and I didn't gain weight. There's that balance, again.

My all or nothing personality makes it hard for me to see that middle ground, let alone find it. I'm usually teetering on either end. It wasn't a good weight loss week, but it was a good food week. And I'm feeling a little better about my possible weight loss future. I will be able to eat good food and still be ok.

I'm still not sure what to do about the Babs or the man thing. I'm blaming both on bad lighting, poor eyesight, and stupid, stupid men. (I'm still going to find a different way to wear my hair)

The dark clouds of diet despair have lifted and the sky is clearing.

And on a clear day, you can see forever, and ever…

Claire