I have a new toy. I play with it every day. I know that I'm overdoing it, but I can't help myself. It's become an obsession.
I hop out of bed in the morning and head straight for my new plaything. I keep it in my bedroom for easy access. It has a pretty white cover and has numbers that are large enough to read clearly from a distance of about five feet - even without my visual aids. It's like a game - and I like it when I lose.
I play again after I get my shower because somehow, my score gets lower. It goes back up once I get dressed or have my breakfast, but that's ok because I know I have the chance lose again the next morning.
It's one of those Weight Watchers digital scales (I got it at Marc's for $23).
I know that I should only weigh myself once a week. Any diet book will tell you that. Weight varies from day to day and it's a good way to get discouraged if the numbers move in the wrong direction. I just can't help myself, though.
I tap the scale lightly to rev it up and when it zeros out I jump on. The digital readout flickers like a roulette wheel and then locks into place. The block numbers glow at me from between my feet. I'm a winner! - er, I mean, loser!
Too bad there aren't sound effects.
When the number is lower than expected I slip into my skinny state of mind and my whole outlook on the day is brighter. Woo Hoo! Skinny Girl is there when I look in the mirror and she's looking good.
On these days I can convince myself that I like eating salads, that shredded wheat is tasty and that I can eat chicken yet again today. Even my hair looks better.
When the number is higher than expected, that's a completely different story. I get in a grumpy state of mind and my outlook on the day is decidedly dim. Boo Hoo!
Lumpy girl is back hogging the mirror and she looks a little testy. "Eat the cheeseburger - what difference does it make anyway?" I can hear her say.
Luckily about this time my good sense chimes in and tells me that this is not a day to give up. It's a day to try a little harder.
So I work hard and look forward to the morning when I can play the game again.
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