Lumpy Girl Claire
Armed and Dangerous

Sure, your face ages, but…your arms? My Mom never told me about old arms.

Now, I knew that chubby arms flapped a little, and that when I'm in my 80's my skin won't have quite the elasticity it has now, but come on! No one told me that my arms would look like this at 46!

Somehow my skin has gotten slack over my chub and there's even a little pocket of something that hangs over my elbow!

I was still in elementary school when my Mom was 46, so how would I have known to even look? Of course, my Mom was tall and thin and probably had great arms. And I was playing with Barbies and turning cartwheels. Who thought about arms?

Is it any wonder this was such a shock?

I've trimmed my waistline by cutting the carbs, my legs are firming up from all the walking, and the pudge is finally disappearing from my face but my arms! What am I going to do about my arms? I think I'm going to have to actually start exercising them - with weights even!

Is that not revolting?

Not that I don't have all the equipment for just such an endeavor. I have weights and I have resistance bands. I even know the proper techniques for using them. I just don't like to do it - obviously. If I liked to do it, would I have these arms in the first place?

Slacker Girl is coming on strong in protest of this ugly new development. We are in the process of negotiations, and I have to admit that I'm not being particularly convincing. She knows I don't want to do this any more than she does.

Upper body work is for boys. They like pounding the weights and having those bulging biceps. I want to have the buff guns, but I don't want to lift weights to get them. If I could just fold and staple that area up, I would.

Life would have been much easier if I could have grown my body parts to a normal rather than a biggie size.

Slacker Girl says to just wear longer sleeves. If it wasn't 90 degrees and there wasn't another month or so of summer left, I might have agreed.

So far I've located the resistance bands, but haven't broken past the resistance to actually use them. I will eventually. I'm going to have to if I want to prevent a head injury.

Skinny Girl has been thinking back to her Barbie days and has been in the mood to turn a few cartwheels. There's no way we can do that with these pitiful arms. I'm sure they would collapse under the weight of me and drop me face first onto the ground.

I can just imagine waking up in the emergency room, grass-stained face, wearing a neck brace, spitting dirt, and the nurse asking me what happened. I had better start making up a good lie right now, or maybe I can just feign amnesia.

Or I could just start exercising these old arms. Maybe while I'm watching TV or while I'm at my computer. Make it as painless as possible. Slacker girl will often go along with exercising if she can do it sitting down. Besides, turning cartwheels used to be fun and I don't know how long Skinny Girl can wait.

Whether or not this will eliminate the "old" look that my arms are sporting, I don't know. At the very least, I'm hoping for no concussion should SG decide to commit gymnastics.

And if worse come to worst, fall is right around the corner with its forgiving sleeved fashions. Still, I'm going to give it my best shot.

But I'm hanging on to my stapler - just in case.

Claire