Lumpy Girl Claire
Facing Fats

Monday morning I hopped on the scale with pen in hand to start recording my daily weight.

I immediately stepped back off and put down the pen. It was obviously throwing off my weight. Well, it was a metal pen and probably full of ink. And it did feel sort of heavy in my hand…

One of the hardest things I had to do this week was to write down my weight on that calendar. I didn't like the number. I even considered waiting a day or two in hopes of being able to pen in a lesser weight. I didn't want to accept that I had gained that much in the last two weeks.

If I just kept the number in my mind, no one would know except me. I could rationalize it away so that it wouldn't seem real. Once written, however, it would become fact.

I wrote down the number.

Facing my fat is a difficult thing. I don't want to believe that I'm less than I should be - or I guess I should say "more". I remember a line from the movie Innerspace where Dennis Quaid's character is looking at himself in the mirror and says, "The Tuck Pendleton machine…zero defects." That's how I would prefer to see myself: the Claire machine - zero defects.

I guess I do usually see myself that way - or pretty close anyway. Look how long it took me to notice the Lumpy Girl in the first place, and believe me she was standing in front of me for quite a long time. Maybe it's that the things I don't want to deal with, I just choose to ignore.

Like the pile of dishes in the sink, or that dirt smudged computer mouse that I handle every day (ew!), or even those checks under the singing pig magnet on the refrigerator that need to be deposited before they expire. They all just blur into the scenery and are forgotten.

Kind of like the way my aging eyes see my face - all smooth and blemish (and hair) free. But then I get in the sunlight and ACK!! Where is my concealer (and tweezers)?!

And now that the sun has shone upon the Lumpy Girl yet again, I can't ignore her any more. There's no magic concealer that can cover up my pudge. I can't pluck away the fat. The only way to do it is to stick to the diet and exercise routine.

It was time to step away from the cookies.

So I did the things I was supposed to this week. I ate the right kinds of food, I drank plenty of water, and I exercised. If you don't count the cookie cravings, it wasn't even all that bad. And what a relief it has been to step on the scale and see that number start going down. In the end, I had a 2.8-pound loss.

There's still a long way to go, but that's a great start. I'm looking forward to my first 5 pounds lost. It's not unreasonable to think I can do that this month.

I'm feeling very optimistic about the future and my diet. This spring-like weather we've been having has certainly boosted my morale. I love the spring. It always makes me feel like anything is possible. What a special treat to have that glimpse of hope and renewal in the middle of winter.

It's going to be a great year.

Claire