C is for Claire
Who Has Diet Ennui

I've lost the will to diet.

Grilled chicken can no longer entice me. Salads hold no appeal. Low fat, no sugar…no taste, low interest.

Exercise? Not a chance. Not even if Tony Little, Richard Simmons, Denise Austin, and Dr. Phil staged an intervention in my living room.

I just don't want to anymore. (Whining and stamping my foot.)

Everyone at work is kicking into pre-Spring diet mode. They've either seen their doctor for their yearly physical and got scared silly, or they have an impending visit and are trying to correct the last year of bad eating.

I understand the feeling because I have to go to the doctor this month too. Has that stopped me from eating the fries and chicken wings? The sausage and home fries (that are talking back to me as I sit and write)? The cake and the donuts? If only!

I'm way past the joy of eating the forbidden foods. I'm more at the nausea stage. There may be more oil in me than in my car. I think that if I eat any more deep fried foods, they might just slide right down through and out the other end without stopping. Not something you want to happen in the middle of Wendy's.

I am experiencing regret for my meal choices, but that's not helpful because it comes after I eat the cheeseburger instead of warning me before. So then I spend a few hours feeling bloated and imagining fat globules floating around in my bloodstream, blocking my arteries while on their way to their ultimate destination - my thighs.

If the current state of my stomach is any indication, I may be starting back on my diet tomorrow. It's not that my head is telling me it's time to stop the overeating. On the contrary, it's saying, "bring on the chocolate!"

Nope, this time my tummy has overruled my brain with the message, "lay off the junk or I'm going to blow!" Maybe I shouldn't have had the all-you-can-eat pancakes (and sausage and eggs and home fries) on top of the brick-sized burrito and maple-glazed cream stick. Urp*!

Plus I have an irrational fear of Lipitor, which kicks in any time I know I have to get blood work. I just know that taking it will make me sick. And then my doctor will prescribe Nexium for my stomach, and then Paxil because I'm stressed out about the Lipitor.

Before you know it, I'll be on more medications than will fit in one of those weekly pill minders, all because it was less effort to drive-thru than to fix a decent meal.

How could I live with that?

I still don't want to diet or exercise, but it's better than throwing up or being heavily medicated - or that possible Wendy's scenario (shudder!). And I don't guess it really matters what my motivation is - just so long as I get back to eating like I'm supposed to.

So here's to my diet again!

May my food not rise up against me.
May my diet not be too boring.
May it deliver me from Lipitor.
And until I lose all the weight I need to lose,
May salads with grilled chicken taste like cheeseburgers with fries.

Amen!

Claire