Advice for daughters
From someone who has been there

Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.

Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.